Another Year Older...

But another year wiser? Unlikely at best.

Been out of school since 2003, and in January I will begin taking classes at Front Range Community College. Am I excited? Yes. Am I worried? Much louder yes. As much as I like to learn, and I feel that every day I don't learn many things is a wasted day, I am afraid that I will not be able to process information that is barfed up at me at high speed by people I don't know while surrounded by people 5 or 6 years younger than I am. Has my gray matter atrophied over the last 5+ years? While I am only taking 4 classes I will still be on campus 5 days a week and it is a thought I am not really comfortable with. I cannot shake the feeling that my feeble mind will be found out and paraded in front of the student body, spit on, kicked and demoralized.

Fuck.

The last several years have given me a lot to think about. I think that I made a huge mistake by moving to L.A. in 2004 and going to school for recording. While it was an experience I enjoyed thoroughly it has done me no real good. I have made no money from recording, and have in fact put myself farther in debt obtaining gear that I never get to use, as well as spending much of my personal time on projects that I have not benefited from. It is frustrating to see people who are less talented than I am making good money recording. But it is my fault because I have no real desire to market/whore myself out. My work should stand on it's own. I guess that sort of thinking is a little outdated but I won't wave my prick in front of everyone just because it might land a fish.


Fuck.

I think about shit like that and wonder what would have happened what might be if I had stayed in L.A. Maybe I would be doing very well for myself and engineering great records with important artists. Maybe I would be broke as fuck, living with 9 people in a 1 bedroom condo, built in the year 1900, paying $1000 a month for rent, working 2 or 3 jobs waiting tables, parking cars, flipping burgers.

But it does no good for me to think about garbage like that. I don't want to live in the past because it is dead and gone, a deer carcass bloated and insect chewed on the side of the road.

I may be scared about what is coming up but I have the best I have ever had right now. Alisha and Vinnie and I share a beautiful home together and we are happy. I feel loved and respected and accepted at home. I work with a great group of guys, all of whom are driven to keep kicking ass day after day after day. They live, eat and breathe tattooing and it shows in every piece they put on someone, or every drawing or painting they do. It is inspiring beyond belief to be around them every day, and I know it has helped my writing immensely to be around people who NEED something that bad.

24. Fuck I'm old now

Ugh

Seems like no matter how hard I try, nothing ever gets accomplished. Every time I feel like I am taking a step forward the Earth is actually turning and I am a mile back from where I started. Bullshit.

Day 2 after leaving ADP

Quite a lovely day today. Slept in a bit - 8:30. Hung out with Vinnie while cleaning up around the house for most of the morning. Played some COD4, went to Wal-Mart for some soda and Mike & Ikes. Watched an episode of South Park with Alisha on her lunch break. Brought Vinnie by old work to see Lindsey. Came home. More COD4.

Good day.

Week left without employment. Should be good. Much work on 81601 to accomplish.

Shazam

First Snow

On Monday September 8th at 1:30am I stood in the backyard at my home and smoked a cigarette. The light was on outside and small flakes of snow fell and spun all around me. My breath, laced with smoke, was thick and white in the air. It was beautiful.

Fuck!

Insect Warfare are breaking up in June. This sucks they were a great classic style grind band - no fluff, just blasting noise. We need more bands like them instead of this shitty hardcore trying to pass itself off as grind. Crank up World Extermination till your ears bleed!

Adding more worthless shit to the internet since 2008!

So I have been trying to figure out what my blog should be about and since I couldn't think of anything fascinating or exciting I will just write about shit that has been going on in my life and any weird thoughts I have been having.

So it's Sunday, which means that I have to go back to goddamn work tomorrow and I can't seem to accomplish close to what I want to get done today. Here is what I should be doing:

1. Writing - I have been writing some today which is good. Still working on my comic/graphic novel. Hitting a couple of snags, which most people would consider to be bad, is actually ok to me. If I can't get past a certain point it means that something isn't quite right and I need to look backwards and find a hole or some other little chunk of something that isn't perfect. I have had several big "eureka" moments over the last couple weeks in regards to the project which has fixed a lot of problems I was having in regards to the plot. Still trying to balance plot and character development in a way that is meaningful and interesting to read. Since I have never written a "real" comic or OGN before this is all kind of a learning experience to me - trying to find the most effective way to convey what I want to the artist is probably the most different aspect of writing something in a script format as opposed to prose.

Im working on outline right now but will probably be starting on scripting the next couple issues/chapters sometime today or early this week.

2. Trying to Secure New Employment - I love Fort Collins, but fuck this town for finding a job where they don't buttfuck you on pay. Its nearly impossible to find an even decent paying job here. Too many well educated people willing to work for cheap. I should be working on my discography to send to one of the recording studios in town to see if I can get an internship, but for some reason it keeps slipping my mind to actually do this.

3. Studying for Stupid Math assessment test - Ugh. Trying to get back into school is proving to be more of a pain in the ass then I expected. I hate math with a passion that burns like a tire fire but I still have to take math to be able to get a degree, which makes perfect sense for an English Major to know math. It is the cornerstone of writing after all. Fuck math.

4. Working on Developing a Training Plan For Work - Fuck that. Not getting paid to work at home so I don't need to do that shit today.

Anyways, if you are reading this I apologize for the boredom I have surely caused you.